Mothering Sunday 2011

I am the Mother of two girls; Olivia, who is almost 14 and is singing in Junior Choir today and Stephanie, who is 11, is the child you may see being pushed around the church in her wheelchair.

Like all the parents here, we made certain promises when our girls were baptised at a few months of age, undertaking to teach them about the Christian faith and bring them up in the life and worship of the Church.

As we all know, promises are not always easy to keep.

Before having children, none of us can really know what we're letting ourselves in for as parents.

Olivia did everything the baby books described, as or before she was meant to. When her sister came along, she was already showing a caring, but independent nature.

By the time Stephanie was six months old, it was apparent to everyone that she was very different, and she still couldn't hold her head up when my friends' babies were beginning to crawl. Referrals to hospital and numerous tests followed. None resulted in a diagnosis of what was wrong; simply confirming that Stephanie is profoundly disabled.

Johnny's sermon a fortnight ago brought that period back to me strongly. He was speaking about God being present and being absent. I continued to attend church regularly, but felt God was absent from me and my prayers went unanswered. In fact, there were times when I almost felt mocked by the words of some hymns.

Shortly after her first birthday, Stephanie was admitted to the Sick Kids' in Edinburgh as an emergency. I stayed there with her, of course. We eventually went home three days before Christmas.

God revealed Himself to me again in the, perhaps unlikely, guise of our elder, Ruth Middleton, bearing a chocolate cake! Ruth apologised for it being a bit sunken in the middle, but it had plenty of icing. She realised I wouldn't have been able to make all the usual Christmas preparations.

That simple, loving gesture changed things immensely for me. I won't pretend that made everything easy, but I knew I wasn't alone any more and ten years on I still remember that day with gratitude.

So, how to fulfil those baptismal promises?

Olivia was enjoying junior church, but I had no idea how to involve Stephanie in learning about Christ. Only when Margaret Henderson invited me to bring Stephanie along too did I begin to think she might be able to gain something there. And over the years I have really valued her acceptance by the children and leaders at junior church.

She comes home with the most beautiful gluing, sticking and colouring in as the teenagers who help look after her give rein to their creative leanings! So Stephanie's presence there has opened up to them an opportunity for Christian service. Holiday club in the summer has been equally welcoming.

For Olivia, there has been involvement in Allsorts and then Xchange, as well as Scripture Union at school. And I think she has some fantastic role models in Suzi and the other adults at these groups.

I love the way young people are encouraged to participate in the worship at St Michael's, serving the Elements at Communion, playing their part in services like this one, or playing in the Family Band during the summer services.

 My experience of motherhood has included a lot of sadness - it's very difficult to grieve for the loss of the perfect child of your imagination. But there has also been great joy in seeing both my girls grow and develop, albeit in very different ways.

And, despite the challenges, people of all ages in this congregation have been fulfilling their baptismal vow to help me raise my daughters in the Christian faith. I am very grateful for this.

Jillian Allatt